The Family Outpost, Episode 2 | The Kingdom Outpost: A Framework for the Purposeful Family
Most families do not drift because they do not care. They drift because they have never been given a map. In Episode 2, Rance and Kevin introduce the Kingdom Outpost framework, a four-pillar approach to building a family that knows what it is for. This foundation episode shapes the rest of the season.
Rance and Kevin open with their Field Report from Episode 1's Outpost Challenge, honest conversations with their wives that surfaced real longings and real gaps. Then they walk through the Four Pillars: Multigenerational Vision, Priesthood of the Family, Culture, and Adventure. They define each pillar, share examples from their own homes, and connect the framework to Scripture. By the end, listeners know the shape of the framework and can identify which pillar their family most needs right now.
Episode Chapters
00:00 Intro and Theme Music
00:29 What Is The Family Outpost?
01:37 Outpost Challenge Field Report
06:57 What Is a Kingdom Outpost?
10:21 Family Outpost vs. Kingdom Outpost
12:13 Where the Outpost Language Came From
22:29 The Default Family Program
26:01 The Four Pillars
26:56 Pillar 1: Multigenerational Vision
30:22 Pillar 2: Priesthood of the Family
33:14 Pillar 3: Culture
37:16 Pillar 4: Adventure
41:36 Outpost Challenge
43:51 Final Encouragement
44:36 Closing and Next Episode Preview
Outpost Challenge
Sit down with your spouse, or reflect on your own if you are single, and walk through the Four Pillars together. Talk about each one briefly. Then pick one, just one, that feels weakest in your family right now. Name it. That is your starting point. Rance and Kevin are doing the same challenge with their own families and will report back in Episode 3.
If your spouse has not listened to this episode, invite them to listen first so they have the context, or bring the framework to them and walk through it together.
Email us at familyoutpost@all4one.org to share what happened when you named your weakest pillar. We read every response and want to hear from you.
Episode Transcript
Transcript lightly edited for clarity.
Rance: It's an alternative to this default program that I think even a lot of Christian families are running where actually the culture is shaping us much more than our conviction.
Kevin: When you accept the mission and the design that God has for the family that is laid out in Scripture and you make that the framework for your Family Outpost, it instantly becomes a Kingdom Outpost.
Rance: We may stumble. We may get off course, but we've got something to come back to. You know, the reason families feel stuck isn't because they don't care. They're drifting because most of us have never been given a framework, a roadmap. We don't even know what another alternative is. And so that's what this episode is going to be about today. We're handing you the roadmap and the alternative for your family. So, Kevin, just remind us what is the Family Outpost Podcast, and who is this for?
Kevin: The Family Outpost is for families who are just done drifting. They're just done moving along without purpose. And here we bring you real stories, a real framework, and one thing you can do each week through our Outpost Challenge, so that families can know and live differently.
Rance: That's right. And we're basically doing two things today. First, Kevin and I are going to report back on our Outpost Challenge from last week, from the last episode, and we're going to be laying out this framework of the Kingdom Outpost and the Four Pillars that will completely reorient how your family thinks about what it's for. So well, let's get into this, Kevin. Let's talk about our Outpost Challenge from the last episode.
Kevin: Yeah. I think we both were kind of excited about this. We both had dates set up on the calendar, ready to dive right into it. And so going into it, did you have any apprehension? Did you know what Stacy was going to say, or did it become totally out of left field?
Rance: A couple of things. Number one, I didn't tell her this was for the podcast because I wanted to get, like, a really raw reaction. And I honestly had no idea what she's going to say. It could have gone any direction. And I think in the past, I've learned that timing is everything because I wanted to ask her several times, but I waited for this date night where we were already having good conversation, and it was awesome. Now actually, the first response was actually kind of funny. When I first asked her, the question was, for our family to feel more alive, what do we need more of, and what do we need less of? And so when I said we need more blank, she said puppies. That was the first response. And the second response, what we need less of was fighting. And by that, she was talking about miscommunication, stress, and chaos in the home.
Kevin: I'm glad she didn't say children because some people want to trade the puppies for children.
Rance: We would've had to unpack that. No. Fighting, like miscommunication, stress, kind of chaos in the home between us with the kids. But then I took it a layer deeper because I knew that was just kind of the surface level response. And so we circled back to it. And the second time she said, what I really think we need more of is more adventure, which was interesting because I feel like we have quite a bit of adventure in our life. But she's like, you can never have too much. We need more. And I think sometimes, you know, when you're in the daily grind, you're longing for more of those moments of adventure and, like, shared adventure where we're able to do it together. And then she said and this was this was deep.
Rance: She said less sickness. And that was sort of a personal reflection because she's got a chronic illness, autoimmune disease. And it's been a real struggle, you know, throughout our marriage. And even at times where it seems like she's doing everything right with her health, you know, she'll have a bad stretch and doesn't have energy and feels like she's not able to engage in the family like she would want to. And so that's kind of a constant prayer, you know, something that we have to navigate together. So, yeah.
Kevin: I'm glad you got to express that then.
Rance: Yeah. I thought it was very illuminating. We got to talk a lot more about it. It was a great prompt. How about you? You guys were on a date night as well, I think. Did the conversation go as you expected?
Kevin: Yeah. I mean, so we got to go out. We got to drive about thirty minutes south to go to a cute little town and walk around for a little bit. We had our three month old with us, and she was wonderful. And so we got to hang out at this restaurant for a little bit, and we were in great conversation. Likewise, I did not say, hey, I've got a podcast question for you.
Rance: Wise.
Kevin: But I asked I naturally ask a lot of questions, and so it wasn't unusual to ask a unique question. She answered in a way that felt like she was waiting for me to ask this question because she was so sure of the answer, and she did not say puppies. And so when I asked her to feel more alive, we would have more actually, I when I asked it, I did ask more of this and less of this. And where her mind went was she first answered less stuff and more skills. And I was like, oh, okay. This was a Holy Spirit moment for me because I've been preaching the, like, let's get rid of everything. I'm tired of seeing all the stuff everywhere. And so for her to say that, I actually had tears in my eyes. But we're going into the summer, and it's been fun because we talked about that for a while.
Kevin: Like, hey. It would be cool to just continue to grow into these skills. And so it's led to conversations with the kids about getting rid of stuff, not holding on to stuff, not putting our value in stuff, and then building skills, and even led to a conversation around formation. And, like, we don't want skills just to have skills. We want skills To help us be formed into, what we want. That also led to Colton wanting to be formed into a ninja, which was why he wanted some gymnastic skills to help him be formed into a ninja. So I don't know that he fully caught that.
Rance: Hey. I love that. I mean, that was a powerful conversation.
Kevin: It was. It was good.
Rance: Just, you know, simple question. And I think for both of us, pretty deep insight there. You know, for our listeners, if you tried the challenge this week, whether it was easy, awkward, however it went, we'd love to hear your experience, what came up. So there's a link in the show notes. You can email us, and we hope to hear from you. So now we're going to get into the episode and talk about why this question of how we can feel more alive. You know, what does our family need more or less of? Why does that matter? So before we get into this framework, we need to talk about what we're actually building toward. What is this all about?
Rance: And so the phrase that we like to use is Kingdom Outpost. Alright? And so to explain what that is, let me give you a metaphor, and then we'll give you a clear definition. So for those of you who have maybe read Tolkien, maybe you've seen the Lord of the Rings movies, you may remember there's a household, a place in the story called Rivendell, and this is this is the household of Elrond. Tolkien describes it as the last homely home east of the sea. And when the Fellowship of the Ring arrives there, they're, you know, battle weary. They're unsure about, you know, what's going to happen next. But here's what they find at Rivendell, feasting, rest, storytelling, safety. Tolkien makes an effort to say no evil is allowed, there in that place. Warriors would come there for restoration before heading back to the margins of enemy territory.
Rance: So that's a great metaphor, for a Kingdom Outpost. That's a home that knows what it's for. And, of course, Rivendell is fictional, but Tolkien is intentionally telling us something. He's teaching us something about the nature of the home. Now let me give you a little more clear definition.
Rance: A Kingdom Outpost is a home with a multigenerational vision, one that takes responsibility for its own spiritual development. It cultivates a culture that's so compelling that just being there is a discipleship experience, and it extends God's kingdom into new territory. Everything about it, the food, the music, the conversation, the rhythms, it creates a root structure deep enough to resist the most alluring pull of the culture around us. There is another culture, right, that's trying to tell us its story, and it's trying to draw us in. But this home, it's so compelling in its experience that the family genuinely represents the kingdom of God to the people in its orbit.
Rance: Now, of course, not perfectly. We'll get into that later, but they are unified around a God-given mission. There is relational capacity to take people in at their most vulnerable and give generously. So that's the vision of this Kingdom Outpost. And I just want to say clearly right up front, this is not for perfect families. It's not just for families who have it all together. It's for families who want to build toward something, and that includes whether you might be a blended family, divorced family, single parent. Maybe you're a young adult. You've not gotten married yet, but you want to. Maybe you're a grandparent, and you're sort of looking back, and you're wanting to leave a good legacy for your grandchildren, well, it's never too late to start building your outpost.
Rance: Kevin, let me just ask you real quick. We named this podcast the Family Outpost, not the Kingdom Outpost. What's that about? What's the difference?
Kevin: Real quick before we jump into that, I would say for anybody that was listening and didn't feel like they caught all of that, it's worth hitting that rewind and listening to that all again. Maybe not the Rivendell stuff if you're not a Tolkien fan, whatever, but at least understanding what a Kingdom Outpost is because Yeah. Really having that vision as the framework in your mind, it changes everything. So it all starts with a Kingdom Outpost, and we lead with The Family Outpost because reality is there are some people that aren't kingdom-focused. I hope there are people that are listening right now that don't know God and have stumbled upon this and say, this is interesting.
Kevin: I love my family. I want to do something purposeful for my family. I want to be that place of peace and rest and celebration and positive rhythms and all those things. But I don't know about the discipleship. I don't know about the mission focus. And you would be a Family Outpost. You have purpose in your family because reality is we all have purpose in our family. We all have a culture. We all have these rhythms. Sometimes they're not as intentional as we want them to be.
Kevin: But what changes a family from a Family Outpost into a Kingdom Outpost is the mission. When you accept the mission and the design that God has for the family that is laid out in Scripture and very clear, and you make that the framework for your Family Outpost, it instantly becomes a Kingdom Outpost because then you are in the kingdom. You are in enemy territory, and you are working through a greater purpose than just building a great family. Because some people's purpose is just, I want an awesome family and everyone to look at and say they've got a great family, and that's not bad. Right? That's good. It's just not godly. And so we want that Family Outpost ultimately to become a Kingdom Outpost.
Rance: Well said, Kevin. So let me give a little background on where this language came from. Why do we use the word outpost? Little history. This was several years ago. It was about the time my daughter was born in 2018, and she was my second child. I was feeling a lot of stirrings in my spirit about family. What is family for? Looking around at sort of the cultural landscape, and even Christian families just seeing so much brokenness and havoc and thinking, why are we getting this outcome? It's almost predictable over and over again. Is there another way? And then I stumbled I mean, literally just stumbled on a website called Family Teams. I don't even know how I got there. And as I started reading through the website, I'm like, yes, this is putting language to everything that had already been stirring in my spirit. And then from the website, I got a book.
Rance: It's called Family Revision by Jeremy Pryor. And I mean, I must have devoured that thing in a couple of days because it just hit me at the right time. It was putting the language to what God had already put on my heart, and it began to bring clarity to this vision. About that same time, Kent Susud and I, with Kent as the CEO and founder of All4One, we were doing, you know, kind of our typical strategic planning and vision casting for the future. And at that time, All4One didn't exist. We were stewarding two different ministries: SportQuest, a sports ministry, and 4MUS, an outdoor adventure ministry. But God began speaking to both of us about this shift in focus to the whole family, not just how can we...
Kevin: Tie that up real quick. Just because I want to make sure we're following the timeline. Your daughter was born in 2018.
Rance: 2018.
Kevin: Okay. And then that's when you start stumbling upon family teams, building language, start churning like, hey, we're doing these ministry-based things, but, you know, where does the family, you and Kent in 2019, start having a conversation Yes. About Okay. Okay. Interesting.
Rance: Our mission and vision really begins to evolve and shift toward the whole family, not just individuals, men, youth, women, but a really integrated vision around the family. Then 2020 hits and COVID. And I think depending on what state you lived in, you had a very different experience of that time. Some people didn't really realize anything was happening. Others were their whole life was turned upside down.
Rance: While I live in New Mexico, it was a bit more strict here with some of the laws and the expectations. And I can remember the governor saying, you know, even in your own household, you can't have more than five people gathering together. And I'm like, I mean, first of all, for large families, what message is that sending? I mean, Kevin, in your household, you've got, like, seven people, you know, just within your family, and that's assuming, you know, extended family aren't over. So that's sort of another tangent.
Rance: But I remember I had a men's group at that time, and we kept meeting. And it actually felt a little rebellious, like we're breaking the law to, you know, have our men's group in my backyard. I think that sort of context began to shape a little bit of how I felt about family too, because it was like, if we're going to be intentional about God's design, it's going to feel almost a little rebellious. Like, it's countercultural. It's not the default mode that is sort of the air we breathe around us.
Rance: It's you're going to have to swim upstream. There was another book, Benedict Option, that really informed a lot of my thinking around this too that, you know, basically says, as Christians, we're no longer the majority. We're living in a world that, you know, doesn't really get us and understand us. And so some people, their reaction is to take to social media or just double down on politics or, you know, try to change things at this macro level that they actually have no influence and no control over. So the thesis of the book is where do you have influence? Well, it's your home. It's your household. It's your family. I just saw that the family is so critical to God's mission and what he wants to do in and through our family actually is going to make the biggest impact on our culture. And so I think those are just some of the main moments that led to the Kingdom Outpost, taking shape.
Kevin: It's interesting because it was I believe it was then 2020 where that language and even the shift and the conversation around All4One started coming out. And, I went on the first XCC, my first XCC, which is Xtreme Character Challenge in 2017. And then I got involved in the ministry in 2019. And, I may have told you this before, but I remember thinking, okay. And I don't think we talked about it on the first episode, but I remember thinking, okay, I will serve here because I feel God asking me to even though I didn't enjoy my experience, but I encountered him on the mountain.
Kevin: I'll serve here, but I don't want to meet anybody in leadership. I don't want to have any conversation with anybody. I just want to go, and I want to serve, and I want to leave, and I want to come back next year. Because I'll be disappointed if I meet the people that are behind this and find out this great thing that I have seen impact the men around me is built on nothing. And so 2019, I go, end up hiking for a while with this guy, having a great conversation, talking about how we met our wives, different books, all these things. It's great. And I enjoyed our conversation. And then we get to the last day, somebody's like, hey. I think it's cool that the founder of this ministry in the U.S. was here this weekend. I'm like, oh, really? That's cool. It's like, who's that? And he points over to this guy, I'm like, dang it. I didn't want to meet that guy. And then we had a great conversation.
Kevin: And that was Kent. That was Kent. And so that's 2019. You guys are having these conversations in the background. I step in. I'm starting to lead this men's group in 2019 at the same time. But if you remember from the last episode, we were talking about how God started stirring something in my heart, and he told me it's not about you, it's about the family. And so in 2020, I get invited to go to the first leadership summit for, 4MUS, and I almost didn't go and almost told Kent and everybody else, hey, I'm stepping away from the ministry because from what I have seen, this ministry is largely about men. Although I have a heart for men, I think God's actually pointing me in a different direction. I think it's more about family. It's more about making sure marriages are strong and all those things. And I almost did. And then I was like, you know what?
Kevin: I'm going to go. I'm going to listen. And it was at that leadership summit that they announced, hey, we're shifting. We're shifting from this battle for men to the front lines because the front line is the battle for the family. And so, the timing of everything stirring in our home, as it's stirring in your home and within the organization, I don't think it's a coincidence. So worth mentioning.
Rance: Well, I want to give a little more context to the word, outpost. Yeah, please. I kind of gave the background, but I think one of the reasons we chose Outpost is because it's an outpost is a small strategic team usually positioned at the edge of enemy territory. It provides sanctuary for the people around it. I love reading books about the American frontier, and they would set up these outposts, like all over the frontier, and people would go there for safety, for food, for protection. So that's kind of the idea that the outpost is both a threat to the enemy as well as a target, you know, for the enemy. So it's offense and defense simultaneously. So we just like that word. I think it speaks a lot to the kind of family that we're wanting to build. And, you know, there's been a few just really neat examples throughout history that I'll just point to quickly.
Rance: Francis Schaeffer, who's known for the ministry of L'Abri, he and his wife, Edith, opened their home in the Swiss Alps, to, people who would just come in and ask hard questions, about God and life. Their kids would sometimes be bringing friends home from college, and they would have these great debates. And many of them became Christians, but it wasn't because of a program. It was because of a household. And the word L'Abri actually means shelter. And so their household was a shelter. It was an outpost to many, and that model's now been replicated around the world and outlived its founder. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, another hero of mine. I don't know about you, Kevin, but I think a lot of us know his story. But maybe what we don't realize is the kind of family that he was really formed in.
Rance: I mean, imagine the gumption and the courage and the conviction it takes to stand up to the Nazis. Yeah. That didn't come from nowhere. Yeah. It came from the kind of home that he was raised in. So they would hold these open evenings where, you know, people were invited. There was food. There was music, and they loved to debate ideas. And just being in the orbit of that family was so formative that I believe that's what gave Bonhoeffer and his community the resilience to stand up against the Nazis. And so I just think those are cool examples. Yeah. As we share those examples of Schaeffer and Bonhoeffer, obviously, those are ideals, and we realize we're talking to ordinary families. And the expectation here is not that we're going to do any of this perfectly. It's more about trajectory.
Rance: Having a framework, having a vision that we can always sort of be reorienting ourselves and saying, are we pointing in that direction? We may stumble. We may get off course, but we've got something to come back to. And it's an alternative to this default program that I think even a lot of Christian families are running where actually the culture is shaping us much more than our conviction. And that typical default program is something to the effect of spending eighteen years trying to just balance the chaotic busyness of pursuing success in your career, trying to keep your marriage together, raising good kids.
Rance: Then you launch your kids when they turn 18 into their own individual success and ambition. You watch them leave, and then they repeat the program. Over the years, that fruit has not been good. That is what we're sort of seeing and reevaluating in our culture. And so the Kingdom Outpost is the alternative. It's a family team with a shared mission. It's outward-facing. It's multigenerational. It's built on something that's going to outlast you. That's what we're talking about here today. Kevin, when you think about your own family growing up, what was the default program that you were running maybe without even realizing it?
Kevin: We experienced several default programs. The start of our family was actually pretty messy, pretty chaotic. And so there was a shift somewhere around elementary school within our family, and we could talk about the background of this at another time, but there was a shift where, my mom actually came to know Jesus and she made this intentional decision to pursue a different framework, but the reality is she had no idea. She didn't have that Kingdom Outpost language. She didn't have anybody speaking into her and telling her how families should run, but she began to be surrounded by people, and we started to see this shift.
Kevin: But the reality was she had the greatest heart and my dad was on board for the direction she wanted to take the family, but she didn't have all the language, she didn't have all the intentionality, she just didn't have the resources. And so by default, church was there, and it was visibly important to her, and she was intentional about getting us there. But the default program really looked not a whole lot different than everybody else. It was still a lot of focus around sports and education, things that we were doing and the focus on grades and college. And it was never from a heart of, you better do this right.
Kevin: But it was just like, hey. We'll just jump almost on this, you know, track that everybody else is in, but we'll do it with Christian values but on the same track as everybody else. And so, unfortunately, through that, I would say Kelly and I started the same way. We Yes. We started our relationship with Christian values, but unintentionally, we just jumped on the track like everybody else did.
Rance: Right. Yeah. Very much my story as well. And I think that's where most of us find ourselves. It's not because we don't care. It's not because we're bad people. It's just the pull of this sort of default program is really strong. So how do we build a Kingdom Outpost? It's going to have to be very intentional, to sort of get out of this pool of the culture. And so this is what we've been discovering over the last several years.
Rance: And what we've found is that every family that has successfully exited that default program and is bearing good fruit has been intentionally operating in four areas, and we call them the Four Pillars, multigenerational vision, priesthood of the family, culture, and adventure. And these aren't programs. These are based on Scripture, and it's God's actual blueprint. It's our best attempt to try to understand his design, for the family. We're not claiming by any means that this is a formula. And if you follow this, you will always get this outcome, and you can guarantee your kids will love Jesus and have lots of grandkids. Can't control all of that. Right? But we know that when we're faithful to God's design, we can trust him with the outcome. And so let's let's begin to take these one pillar at a time.
Rance: So starting with the first one, multigenerational vision. This is about thinking beyond one lifetime and shaping a family legacy of faith that extends across generations. Kingdom Outpost household doesn't just raise children. It's planting seeds for grandchildren, great-grandchildren. This is a long vision. You're passing on faith values and purpose that become a lasting inheritance. So with a multigenerational vision, you don't see parenting as an eighteen year job. Seasons change, roles change, but parenting is a lifetime appointment. And what we do today is going to leave a blessing or a curse for future generations. So the family is not this launching pad for individuals.
Rance: It's a team with a story that spans generations. It's a long vision that you're actually building toward, and it's something that will outlast you. So, Kevin, give us a moment from your own family where maybe you experienced this or maybe the absence of this.
Kevin: Yeah. We've experienced it all, and we live in North Carolina, and my family is in Pennsylvania. Her family is spread between Boston and Florida. So we're raising five kids, with no grandparents around, no multigenerational, and we felt that for different reasons. We haven't chosen to move back to anything, and we've had the conversations about kind of being this Abraham and Sarah part of the generation that's trying to create this shift.
Kevin: But I would say the moment where we really felt it and knew something needed to be different was actually when we came out to this family weekend through All4One where Jeremy and his family and April and the whole team came out there and spoke, and it wasn't that it was these original ideas. It was so interesting because Kelly and I were having conversations around family rhythms, about Sabbath, about the potential of creating a family business. We had all these things, and then we heard it in language. And Kelly and I went out on the water, and we just sat in a canoe, we talked about it for a while. And we're like, we have to stop talking about this.
Kevin: And the analogy that comes to mind, you talked about earlier the swimming upstream. It just felt like in that moment I didn't think about this till right now. It felt like in this moment, we've gotten used to swimming with the fishes. And we're like, we know there's another track, but we're, like, we're surrounded by all these other fish and we just keep going. And so in that moment, we're like, oh my gosh. Let's get off. Let's go in a different direction because we're watching somebody else swim upstream. And it looks hard and it's probably going to be messy, but we need that because we recognize that the enemy is not going to create a battle plan against me or against Kelly. He's going to create a multigenerational battle plan. So if he's got a multigenerational battle plan, we better have one too.
Kevin: Yeah. So we left that weekend saying, uh-uh. We're not going back to that flowing river anymore.
Rance: Yeah. Well, and I'll just give our listeners a little preview. In our next episode, we're going to be talking to a couple that have 30-plus years of lived multigenerational experience, and they're going to be adding a lot to this conversation. So stay tuned for that. We're going to have to hit these next three kind of briefly, Kevin. So pillar two, priesthood of the family. This means embracing the spiritual responsibility to lead, guide, and intercede for those in our household. We know that the Bible teaches in Christ, every believer is a priest. So we're not using that. And if you have a Roman Catholic background, we're not referring to that sort of a priest.
Rance: We're talking about the New Testament priesthood of every believer with direct access to God and his Word and the responsibility to minister to those entrusted to them, starting at home, starting with your kids. So there's no requirement here for a seminary degree. The primary place for spiritual development is the home, not an institution. Now the institutions are great, and they're supportive of what happens in the home, but they're not the primary place for spiritual development. So the false belief is that a family spiritual formation is best handled by the professionals, by the paid specialists, or by a program, but it isn't.
Rance: No one and nothing can replace a parent's role in the spiritual development of their children. So this pillar is about creating an environment where your household meets with God, where you're carrying his presence into the rhythms of daily life, where you're calling out identity in your children with words of blessing. So that's priesthood of the family.
Kevin: Can you think of maybe even going back before this language became clear, or since it became clear, something you've done, tried, failed, stumbled through that really has become a framework for this priesthood within your home?
Rance: Yeah. I love to read Scripture with my kids, and I'd say I definitely stumbled through this a lot as they were younger, trying to find ways to communicate to them on their level. But especially once they started to learn to read, a game changer was handing them the Bible and letting them just read God's Word. Not a story about the Bible or someone else's words about God's Word, but, like, just going to the source. Our rhythm has been that every morning before school, we pull out we have a little devotional book, and it just kind of prompts us. Here's a passage we're going to read. Here's some questions to discuss it. And the beautiful thing that I've seen is my kids really love God's Word, and that was never a guarantee. I didn't know if that was going to happen. There were a lot of eye rolls, you know, at times when it's like, oh, dad, again.
Rance: But, man, I'm seeing the fruit of it now. And we haven't done it perfectly. We don't do it every day. We miss some. That's not really been the point. The point has been the trajectory: they are learning God's Word and learning to love God's Word.
Kevin: That's good. That's good.
Rance: Yeah. Pillar three is culture. Culture means cultivating the values, rhythms, and boundaries. We're going to be unpacking those three things in future episodes. But values, rhythms, and boundaries that create a family environment that reflects heaven on earth. Not perfectly, but we want to we want to experience a taste of heaven, a glimpse of heaven in our homes. But most families' lifestyles are so fast and furious that we primarily get dictated by cultural norms rather than our values or our convictions. So we first have to take control of our family's time and be intentional about the culture we're building. Because if we are not the ones designing it, the world would love to step in and do that for us. And there is going to be a culture in our home, whether it's accidental or intentional.
Rance: We need to teach our values, but we also know that values are caught. And they're more than just our words. What we say is important. It's the lived atmosphere of our home that shapes who our children become and how they're going to raise their own children one day. So rhythms make the values visible, and then boundaries protect them from being crowded out. Some ingredients of this would be family language, like the way we talk in our family, traditions, how you handle conflict, what you celebrate, mealtimes, all of those things produce culture in your home. So, Kevin, what has been one specific thing, a rhythm or phrase or tradition that's become part of your family's culture.
Kevin: Yeah. You mentioned two things. You did mention language as one, which has definitely been important to us, and a couple things that God put on our hearts is to speak the identity statements into our kids and we have this very clear identity statement for our kids, and it's shared. But anytime they call each other another name, you dumb-dumb, whatever it is, they actually have to speak their identity over. They say, hey. You are not a dumb. You are a son of the Most High God, a dangerous warrior in the Lord's army, and a vital member of the Morrison team. Love it. We speak their identity into them, and then they have to speak that identity over each other, and they've enjoyed that. So language matters.
Kevin: We also have, our Monday family meetings. And for a while, we did 23 family ways that kind of our family does this, our team does it this way. And the framework of that is God's path versus our path. And in that, I have young kids, and so they don't just want to sit down and read a book. They want to be on their feet. They want to move, and we don't always do this well. But at one point, going through this 23 family ways, we just talked about, hey, there are two paths that you get to choose. There is the wide gate and the narrow path. So I put my arms out really wide on this way, and then I put my arm real close to my body this way. And I said, which way do you guys want to go?
Kevin: And they all kind of smiled, they pointed to my arm by my side. And then I told Cason, prove it to me. And so then he had to fight his way through my arm, and then they all did it. And then they just want to keep doing it. And it was just this moment where they recognize, hey. Hey. This is a narrow path. It's going to be hard, but our family does hard things. And so now that's part of our language. Right? Which path do you want to take right now? Which path are you on? And so they know within discipline, within boundaries, within those things, it's because we want them on the narrow path, and they chose. They made that decision to be on the narrow path. They didn't take the wide gate.
Kevin: And so that language, the coming back to it, all that, and we stumble through that plenty and we ask ourselves all the time, are we doing this right? And then, I mean, this morning, you know, my kid's sick, Colton's sick. And at one point, I turned to Cason and I said, will you pray over Colton? And he said, Callan and I just finished praying over him. And I got to tell Kelly about that, and she's like, we're doing something right.
Rance: So, yes. It's building culture. I love it.
Kevin: Building culture. Building culture.
Rance: Alright. Well, let's let's do the last pillar. It's adventure. And this is a unique pillar because it's really the outward-facing pillar. The other three pillars are strengthening us internally so that we can move into this fourth pillar. So adventure means being ready to go, serve, and sacrifice for a purpose greater than ourselves. Most families are maybe even without realizing it, we're inviting children into a story that goes something like this. Make good grades, stay out of trouble, get a good job, and be kind. And that's kind of it. We were made for so much more than that. God already has invited us into his story, and that story involves the unknown. There's risk. There's challenge. Adventure, though camping trips are a great part of that, we're talking about more than, taking our family camping. This is about a life surrendered to following Jesus and living on mission together.
Rance: And a Kingdom Outpost integrates mission into daily life. So your family isn't in the way of the mission. They are essential to the mission. And when risk and courage unite a family around something greater than themselves, it forges something in them that comfort never could. And that's why this is so critical. So, you know, I will also say adventure could easily be misunderstood as just sort of a personality type. Like, you know, some people may be listening and thinking, I'm not an outdoorsy, you know, type of family. I just want to clarify. This is not about hiking, though being on outdoor adventures, they certainly create some of the conditions that help us embrace this kind of lifestyle more. But this is about being willing to say yes to giving and serving beyond yourselves.
Rance: And it will cost you something, but this is the outward-facing pillar that keeps us from just kind of being this holy huddle that's inward focused and maybe inadvertently becoming starting to feel entitled to God's blessings. Adventure helps us be a conduit of God's blessing to the world around us.
Kevin: That's good. It's funny because I think there are some people that think, well, adventure's for some Christians, but I this may be blasphemous. I don't know. Somebody can yell at me, but I believe that God said, come follow me, and he totally could have said, hey, let's go on an adventure.
Rance: That's right.
Kevin: And in a lot of ways, it would have been synonymous. Right? Because, yeah. This was just one big adventure. And so it could be grandiose, like following Jesus. It could be grandiose in all kinds of different ways, and it could be small things. But can you think of a time, something big where you went outside of yourself, whether it cost you, your family, your comfort, or your finances?
Rance: Yeah. Early on, just a big step toward adventure in our family was when my son was five and my daughter was eight months old. And we joined a we helped lead a vision trip, a mission trip to Panama. And going into it, we thought, are we crazy for taking our eight-month-old, you know, on this trip? And I know Kevin knows what I'm talking about because you've experienced that too. But, man, it was so powerful. And I think one of the reasons was because in our daily life, especially with an infant, you're constantly trying to control their environment. You're trying to keep them clean. You're trying to keep them fed. You're trying to make sure they have nap times.
Rance: When you go to another country and you're on a mission trip, all that's out the window. And I can remember seeing my wife and my eight-month-old daughter sitting in the dirt, you know, eating, like, rice and beans, and my daughter has it just all over her. But with so much joy, you know, and it enabled us to be able to get out of ourselves a little bit and go and serve and make a difference in the lives of others. And it made a big difference in our lives. I remember seeing my son in the rain, playing soccer in the mud with all these kids. It was just a beautiful experience, and I think it's really set the tone for the next decade of our life that we were going to be a family that said yes to God's adventure even when it wasn't comfortable.
Kevin: That's huge. That's huge. That's where the mission is. Awesome.
Rance: Well, speaking of challenges, this is now the time for our Outpost Challenge in this episode. And it's just a reminder, we're going to be doing this Outpost Challenge in every episode. Starting in the next episode, we're going to have guests who give us the challenge. But because today, it's just me and Kevin, we've got a challenge for each other, and we'd love for the listener to be part of this and do this right along with us. So, Kevin, what's our Outpost Challenge today?
Kevin: First, if you're listening to this and you're single, you can kind of internalize this and think through it and think about how you would want to move this forward. If you're married, and you're the only one that listened to this episode, it's a great opportunity for you to invite your spouse to say, hey, will you listen to this? Because I got a question that I want to dive into because you can either bring the context to this question or you can invite them to listen so they have the context of the question. But it's basically go through the Four Pillars that we talked about today. Lay out the Four Pillars, have a conversation about each of them, and then pick one.
Kevin: Pick one that you think might be the weakest for your family, whether it's because you haven't seen it, because you haven't lived it intentionally, and just talk about that. That's your starting point. Talk about that weak point that you have.
Rance: And we're going to do the same, right, with our spouses, and we'll come back and report how that went in the next episode. So we encourage you to do that right along with us. And, again, we've got the link in the show notes if you want to share with us how that goes. So here's what we want you to walk away with today in just one sentence. A family that knows what it's for is different. They're not perfect, but they are different. And there is an alternative to the default way families operate. So the Kingdom Outpost framework is what keeps you pointed in that direction. It gives you that trajectory when life gets loud, when the drift sets in. So if you're feeling behind, if this feels overwhelming, again, we just want to encourage you.
Rance: You don't have to have all four of these pillars perfectly at the start. Just start with one. What's one area that you can be intentional in and just take that step today? So, Kevin, anything you want to leave us with before we go?
Kevin: Thank you guys for joining us. Genuinely, thank you for walking in obedience. Thank you for wanting something different, wanting to return to God's design for your family. It's going to get uncomfortable, but it's beautiful. Rance, I want to thank you for, you know, working on some of this language. I just want to challenge you to walk out what that weak point is for your family, but, I'm excited that there is even a framework, so I thank you for that. But I'd also encourage you guys, for you, Rance, and for listeners, even as you talk about where you may have fallen short and where you need to work, also celebrate where God has been gracious to your family and which pillar might be strongest, intentional or not. And because we want to celebrate those victories together as well.
Rance: Yeah. That's good. So, yeah, from Kevin and I both, thank you for being here. This show exists because families like yours are willing to be intentional. So one thing before we go, if what you heard today was meaningful, share this episode with another family who needs to hear it, and hit the buttons that show up on your device. Subscribe, follow. That helps more families find us as we're getting this launched and out there. And next time on the Family Outpost, we've got Hannes & Alma du Preez, and you're going to want to hear from these guys. They've been building an intentional multigenerational family for decades, and so we're going to take a deep dive into pillar one, Multigenerational Vision, through their story and experience. So you do not want to miss it. We'll see you next time.
Links
The Family Outpost Podcast: https://www.all4one.org/the-family-outpost-podcast
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SportQuest: https://www.sportquest.org/
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